The Pest

U.S. Release Date: 2/7/97
Running Time: 1:25
Rated: PG-13 (Crude sexual, scatological and ethnic humor)
Cast: John Leguizamo, Jeffrey Jones, Edoardo Ballerini, Freddy Rodriguez, Aries Spears, Tammy Townsend, Joe Morton, Charles Hallahan

Director: Paul Miller
Producers: Bill Sheinberg, Jonathan Sheinberg, Sid Sheinberg
Screenplay: David Bar Katz, based on a story by David Bar Katz and John Leguizamo  
Music: Kevin Kiner
Studio: TriStar Pictures

If you haven’t seen The Pest, stop everything you’re doing, run to the rental store, and DO NOT rent this film.  Pick any other picture at random, and chances are you will be more satisfied with a haphazard selection than with an intentional grab of The Pest. 

Starring John Lequizomo in his most shameful appearance of all time, The Pest is a constant bother of a film—distinctively like a pesky housefly that instead of going away, continually dive-bombs at your head.  You may try with all your might to swat it, but the bastard keeps on pestering.

Similarly, The Pest’s 85-minute running-time is absolutely torturous.  Even the first few minutes of the picture is enough to declare the production a complete waste of time, money, and energy.  In the realm of cinematic experiences, The Pest is the entertainment equivalent to basking in a pool of vomit, mold, and errant feces.

Pestario “Pest” Vargas (John Leguizamo) is a Latin con man.  He pretends to be blind, Chinese, and even a wannabe college student—all to earn a quick buck.  However, his annoyingly frenetic nature is put to the test when he ends up becoming the prey of a Nazi hunter (Jeffrey Jones).  This human hunter needs the head of a Latino to complete his trophy wall of stuffed specimens of all ethnicities.  Additionally, Pest finds himself in the sites of the Scottish mob for the sum of $50,000.   In turn, the key question is (as the film’s tagline reads), “What kind of freakazoid would let someone hunt him just to collect $50,000?”

If this plot sounds familiar, it is because The Pest is a loose reworking of the literary classic, The Most Dangerous Game.  However, the only qualitative aspect the inspiration and the end result have in common is the first word of the title.

Furthermore, whenever you see the words “scatological humor” included as part of the MPAA classification, run for the hills.  Scatology is – in short – the study of feces.  As a result, The Pest does its fair share of displaying various excretory functions—including incessant farting, projectile puking, and birds craping in someone’s eyes.  In fact, The Pest is nothing more than a foul flatulent itself. 

If you happen to spot The Pest on the rental shelf, just remember: this lousy film is lathered in puerile excrements.  Stay far away; the smell stings the nostrils and the sight induces the stomach contents to leave the mouth.  The Pest is the absolute epitome of a freshman stink bomb; it’s childish, boring, and one of the worst films ever made.

© 2006 Brandon Valentine